Relationships

I’ve never been in a relationship before.  At one point, I though I was really close to being in one, but now, looking back, I see that I was still really far.  I know I’m not unlikeable, I don’t think I’m too unattractive, and I don’t think my personality sucks.  I know I could go get a boyfriend or girlfriend of some sort right now if I really wanted to, but I guess the point is, is that I don’t.

Well, I do, but I don’t.  I want one, but I’m going to wait.  I don’t know how long, but I know it’s something coming up in the next year or so, maybe next few months.  I told Aubrey this once but I was always alone, but I never felt lonely. Ever since july I’ve been feeling lonely.  I just think it’s about time I get rid of that feeling - it’s not a feeling I’m particularly fond of.

I have to say, though, the whole prospect stresses me out.  I mean a relationship is complicated even at it’s best.  I may be a romantic, but I don’t expect things to be easy or go smoothly no matter how much I want them to.  I know, for instance, I will constantly be comparing myself to them(a fault of mine, I know) - do they weigh less, do they have a better body, do they work out more, do they dress better, do they make more money, do they have more friends?  I mean these are all admittedly superficial things, but I know I’ll worry about them.  I don’t expect the non-superficial things to be a problem, to be quite honest, but that may just be my naivete coming into play.  

God only knows, we’ll see what happens.