March 2011
1 post
Follow me on my new tumblr.
This one will stay for writings only, but my other one will be more blog-ish.
http://shawnwich.tumblr.com
February 2011
1 post
I am not who I am, I am where I am.
Dear you,
I think I’ve spent the better part of my life being nudged in different directions. From school, to work, to my friendships, to my sexuality, to my family, everything has been so controlled. I feel like my life is a consequence of other people’s decisions and a matter of circumstance rather than anything to do with me. I often sit back in my seat and think to myself,...
December 2010
1 post
2 tags
On God
I guess I have a weird perception of God, because of a lot of things, things I won’t go into, but even though there were bouts of time where I didn’t believe, I certainly do now. I could go into the many rhymes and reasons for my faith, but I don’t think this is the time or the place. I know that I have no concrete proof of his existence but that doesn’t mean I have any...
November 2010
6 posts
On Relaxation
Relaxing has always been a weird, if not intangible, thing for me. Personally, I don’t understand how people do it. I guess for me, relaxation is the ability to do nothing, but that’s just so hard to do. How do you do nothing? Is that even possible? I guess you could stare at the ceiling some but even then that’s still something. Is it possible to do nothing? Do people...
Anonymous asked: were you behind a mask?
2 tags
Person Type: The Perpetual Victim
I have a good amount of friends, sure I could stand to have more, but what I lack in quantity, I make up for in quality, I like to think. But the number always changes; friends come and they go, its hard to be very diamond when you’re just a friend, because no matter what you do, you’re never going to be forever. I’ve lost a lot of friends, but really, that’s not a...
Lying
People on the internet lie. There’s no doubt about it - they just do.
I’ve been on the Internet for awhile. I know that seems so arbitrary since everyone’s been on awhile, but really it’s quite true, in a capacity that it isn’t for a lot of people. I haven’t just visited the Internet like a daily vacation home in Key West, or viewed it like a television show...
Relationships
I’ve never been in a relationship before. At one point, I though I was really close to being in one, but now, looking back, I see that I was still really far. I know I’m not unlikeable, I don’t think I’m too unattractive, and I don’t think my personality sucks. I know I could go get a boyfriend or girlfriend of some sort right now if I really wanted to, but I guess...
I hate gay people.
The first reason this sucks is because I am gay, and so by default this means I hate myself, but in actuality I am okay with myself. I mean, sure, there are days where I’m mean to me and I would rather be around anyone other than me, but for the most part I feel pretty meh about me. But I guess I hate myself. Oh.
The second reason this sucks is because there’s no way to make a...
September 2010
3 posts
Goodnight
What is hope? Are we talking a systematic denial of reality? Foolishly blind optimism in an unknown future, expecting things to change on their own, to fix themselves, if we turn our cheeks to our problems and wish them away? Or are we talking about the forceful belief that we can go on another day? That if we try hard enough, if we work hard enough, tomorrow WILL be a better day? Is hope...
thought that counts
I am a little obsessed with presents. For me, it’s not so much about giving someone something, its about the ritual of finding what you think they would enjoy. For me, it usually starts weeks in advance, by pouring over their interests in google and amazon searches trying to find something that fits in with their personality. Next, of course comes the ordering. Once everything’s...
the world surrounds us with its hate
I guess there’s benefits to being honest, even if there are a few pitfalls. I’m not sure which there is more of…but I’m leaning towards more vices. I like to keep things secret, because I’ve always been that type of guy that likes to do things on his own from start to finish, because I believe in the motto, “If you want something done right, you got to do it yourself.” No one, other than you,...
July 2010
3 posts
raising you as a tree
I like camping, but I rarely get to actually do it. Something about it has always drawn me closer. The feel of outdoors, or maybe just the illusion that you’re actually getting away from everything and everyone back at home, wherever that is at the time. When I actually DO get the chance, it’s usually more like faux-camping - I stay in a cabin, with restrooms, showers, and a...
i feel so alive when the muscles in my legs hurt
I was never much of an athlete my whole life, but I always wanted to be. It wasn’t necessarily about fitting in, really. I never fit in, in high school, or college, and for the most part, I had given up on trying. I had people to talk to, so that I wasn’t a total hermit, and that got me through to the end of the day, for the most part. I never cared to be popular - sure it seemed...
i’m still talking to you through the margins of...
I often find comfort in the silent.
You know the type; the folk that sit still as the world turns around them - not always a home, but a play, an act to watch. You’ll see them in the streets, on benches, in coffee shops, just waiting endlessly. You might wonder what they’re waiting for, but they don’t trouble themselves with such things. The weather might change, the years...
August 2009
6 posts
the sound of air above me, will keep me down
I was in middle school at a school that i went to with a good portion of the people from my elementary, and a large host of new people. I was never on particularly good terms with anyone from elementary - I liked everyone, but i was never really paid attention to, and elementary school lacked the ladders to climb your way up. Unfortunately, this somehow transferred to middle school. Despite...
oh love, don't let me go
I’m usually not a confronter, or a lecturer. If someone done something that I believe is wrong, its usually my opinion that it is up to them to find that out, and correct it for the next time, should they want to. I have never believed it was my place to try to correct someone of what I think is an error, or convince them of my ideology - explain myself and my views, perhaps, but never...
play like you've never played before
When I was a little boy, in elementary school, we used to have a pretty big playground. On one side, we had a vast, sprawling soccer field, and on the other end, we had a pair of quite large basketball courts. In between the two, there was the typical swing set, a jungle gym, and the lonely see-saw that no one ever played with. In our grade’s recess, the boys always played a game of...
mornings will be kind
I work at two different places, doing two different jobs, for what is largely the same company. Monday through Wednesday, I work at the main office, doing things with the Web Development and Database teams. Thursday through Friday, I work at another office, about two miles away from the main office, basically as a “Tech Guy”. To put it simply, I would label the former as my job and...
we didn't even know what the room looked like till...
My family and I are not the most religous quartet in the world, but we pride ourselves on not being the least religous either. We go to temple on Sundays when we wake up feeling particularly bad about ourselves, which I assure you, is more common than you might expect overall, but less common on Sundays, than any other day of the week. Not having a favorite temple to attend, we often find...
serious faces
My mom is a vegetarian. She always has been, she tells me, even though I know that’s a stretch. At a spritely five years old, my mother stopped eating the flesh and innards of other living beings. She said she didn’t do it because of religion, but because she genuinely didn’t like meat, my grandfather told me once. He used to make meat soups, and feed her the broth, or cut...
July 2009
2 posts
i can hear the sound of your life through the wall
I watched a movie when I was little about a slave growing up a long time ago in India. You could find the usual suspects to be expected from most Bollywood fare - a dashing hero, an irritated father, the comforting, yet bold friend, and of course, the other girl who got a little to close to your man that you were comfortable with. Yet this film was rooted in history, you see the dashing hero was...
it's like a heartbeat, but isn't
I was working for a local political campaign that day. It was hot and summery, even thought it was a mid-Autumn day. We carried water bottles in our backpacks - they were cold when we packed them, but warm by the time we got around to drinking them. The candidate was a local one running for the House, standing on a platform that mainly rose out of energy issues - he was a clean energy tycoon...
June 2009
6 posts
i put the easel by the window so i could see you
I think I was about 7 when I got my first pair of glasses. I can still remember them too - gold, round frame with brown marble colored plastic around the part that went behind my ears. In retrospect, they were probably too big for my eyes, but my mother liked that sort of thing - guess she thought it was like surround sound, but for your eyes. Like most kids, I did not like these metal...
a journey from A to B
I’m part of this little place on the internet I like to call ______. I would call it a little corner of the internet, but i don’t think we’re that important to anyone besides ourselves.
I guess it all started in early December when a couple of kids in the world had too much empty internet and needed something to do with it. Like a family would do with an empty feild, or a kid...
there are oceans and waves and wires between us
I’ve always had a particular affinity for water. There’s just something about it that was always oddly attractive, in a way. Like a painting, every drop is like a peice of art, every glass like a collection of masterpeices, and every ocean like a museum.
At work, we have entire fridges dedicated to free bottles of water for the employees. They’re branded with the company...
all dead white boys say god is good
Suicide is a lot like homeless people. You see them living on the streets, asking for some money or food, sip on a can of beer wrapped in a ruffled brown paper bag. You see them in their raggedy clothes, pushing around shopping carts full of junk, walking the streets bundled in sweaters in the middle of summer. You see the moistness in their eyes, the weakness in their voices. Then, you try to...
just say something perfect, something i can steal
A lady at my work is retiring. Her retirement party was today. We had some punch - though she was never one for sour things. Then we had some cake, and she always shared my dislike for cake. A cookie, we would eat, but a cake felt empty to us. Lots of people were there, even the CEO - she had been working there for thirty two years, after all.
Her name is Annie, and she always had this jar...
Oh how could anyone not love the terrible things...
I hate the inevitable tug and forth of human relationships known as the mating game. Oh sure, it can be fun, but it can also be cruel - and like they say, all’s fair in love and war. With a slogan like that, who cares about accountability or justification for your actions? You owe nothing in this silly little world of ours anything, but yourself. You owe yourself happiness, and it is...
May 2009
3 posts
there are some things in life that music alone...
Music did not always play a big part in my life. Indeed, when I was little i never payed much attention to music, outside it lingering in the background like crickets chirping at night, or birds singing in the morning - it was merely something that occurred naturally in the world - who was I to question it? Yet i can remember one specific event in my childhood where music … effected me. ...
everyone on planet earth is sleeping except for me
I cannot remember a time in my life where i have consistently had a normal sleep schedule. Sure, maybe a few days out of the week, i’ll sleep on time, and wake up at a reasonable hour, but it won’t last very long. As far back as i can remember, I have had issues sleeping, issues staying asleep, issues with taking too many naps, issues with waking up, and issues with falling sleep. ...
i'm still in the dark lighting candles
Occasionally, we light candles in our house, and turn off the lights. My mom does it for the nice smell and atmosphere. I’ve never liked those flowery smells they come in, or the feel of a darkly lit room with a single candle letting a few shadows dance around, but i have learned to cope. Last time this happenned, was during a black out in the last hurricane. We must have sat around for...